hatiku percaya

(title is Indonesian for "my heart believes")

Over the course of the mission in Bendigo, I was constantly reminded about my desire to be a missionary in Indonesia.

Things were really confirmed for me on Sunday at church when my friend Zoe told me that she was serious about coming with me. She said that we probably couldn't do it this year, and I don't think that God is really calling me there yet, but I think that when He does, it may happen all very quickly. I have no time frame at the moment, but I know God does. Yagh! It freaks me out that there is a possibility that this is probably what God has in store for me, yet it is all exciting at the same time...

Before mission, I didn't want to go. I didn't want the stress, I didn't want to be tired, I didn't think I could do it, and I didn't think I could handle the heat... How ironic, hey? God put that all back to me and said that if I couldn't handle these things here in Bendigo, how on earth would I survive over in Indonesia?

For those who don't know.. I have actually been there before. I went back in 2002 with my school to places now you could only dream of going to (due to the danger). There was so much poverty. I grew up so much. I remember sitting on a bus, going through the city of Yogyakarta (yeah, no exotic trip to Bali), and watching all of the native Indonesians go about their business, and I thought to myself that God has made them, just like He has made me.. But nobody here knows Him. It broke my heart. My heart is absolutely broken for this country.

When I came back to Australia, my friend Kylie described me as a 'fly buzzing around in a jar'. I felt so depressed, and heartbroken about this country, about how they could not see the light of God..

For those who are statistically minded or want to know, Indonesia is made up of: Muslim 88%, Protestant 5%, Roman Catholic 3%, Hindu 2%, Buddhist 1%, other 1% (1998)

... Is this hope?

(youtube video)



The words to this song are
TUHANLAH KEKUATAN DAN MAZMURKU
DIA GUNUNG BATU DAN KES'LAMATANKU
HANYA PADA-MU HATIKU PERCAYA
KAULAH MENARA DAN KOTA PERLINDUNGAN

REFF :
KU MAU S'LALU BERSYUKUR
S'BAB CINTA-MU PADAKU
TAK KAN PERNAH BERUBAH
HATIKU PERCAYA

WALAU BUMI BERGUNCANG
GUNUNG-GUNUNG BERANJAK
NAMUN KASIH SETIA-MU
TAK PERGI DARIKU

I dare you to try and sing along! And for those who are not Steff (I expect you Steff to know all this... says the girl whose about to get their dictionary to translate this), the rough translation of this is:

God who is strong and my song
He is a strong mountain and my happiness
Only unto You my heart believes
You are a tower and a city of protection

I always want to thank God
Because my love is in You
It cannot be erased
My heart Believes

Even though the land may shake
Mountains move
Your love is always there
It won't leave from me

Does this look like an Indonesian Hillsong to anybody else? Me being against 'shiny christianity', this concerns me for some reason.. I'm guessing these guys would be in the city of Jakarta, but this isn't what Christianity is about? Worshipping God, yes, but it is really hard to imagine it is in Indonesia? After what I saw when I was there?

Bizarre...

kids4life

I'm sure a few of you have noticed my absence for the past few weeks, the reason for this is I have been away being a missionary. I'm amused that I am the first (Trav, you don't count! You get half a point :P) one out of the immediate Bendigo team to actually blog about this, and I thought I was slack!! I'm sure they are all catching up on some much needed rest! Wait, no. I was wrong, Craig has bet me.

Now when we think of being a missionary, we always think of being in an exotic place overseas, near a beach (for those from Bendigo usually involved in mission there was beach mission to Warnambool). This mission was at the drought stricken land of Bendigo.

It made me think about how we can get extremely concerned about things going on a fair distance from us, but there is always a 'mission' closer to home. That said I do believe Jesus does send us out into the world.

At first I didn't want to go on mission. I didn't feel like I was 'fit' enough in many aspects, and also another contributing factor was that in the past few weeks the Bendigo weather had been making me sick (I'm DEFINITELY a winter person!), luckily, God pulled me through, and, haha God you are funny, it rained! On top of all of that, my anxiety has been a bit rough.

Upon arriving (we stayed at the Bendigo AOG, while the mission itself was held at a school in Golden Square), it was clear to us that satan didn't like what we were doing in the city. One of our team members (and I think others) had become unwell. Prayer for team health was a priority.

Every day we were blessed by having 'quiet time' for about half an hour each day. I spent my quiet time trying numerous different activities. Usually I spent it outside at the end of Soloman Street watching the sunset over the city (a truly remarkable experience), praying, one day I actually had a shower. Oh the possibilities!

Back to seriousness now. It came to me (well, I kind of have known this for a while now) that Satan sometimes can attack us in ways that others can't see. For me it has really been anxiety. Although my anxiety levels on mission were remarkably lower, there was the odd occasion where I would feel unbelievably feel anxious and loose focus. I almost didn't go on mission because of my anxiety. It's a growing progress, I really just want to be 'healed'!

Another strange thing that happened at mission is this. I had my bible out, ready to read from it to the kids, and suddenly something just grabbed me, like, it literally felt like someone had put their arms around me and squeezed me so tight I couldn't breathe! I went away for a moment, just crying out to God to help me. Slowly whatever it was let me go. The whole thing probably only lasted merely 30 seconds.

I have been on many camps in my 20 years of life, but this was my first mission. I found that some people struggle to distinguish the difference between 'mission' and 'camp'. Camps are usually where we go out bush somewhere and build ourselves up, learn about God etc, have a great week. A mission is different. We are literally on a mission. We need to be focussed on what the Will of God is, and the task at hand.

That said, mission has been an immense time of spiritual growth for me. I feel as though I have matured five years. God has revealed many things to me, I even have realised who I really am. From this, however, I have a lot of things to work on now that I'm back in reality.

Another thing I have come to realise over the duration of mission is that to see change, we sometimes need to make sacrifices. Many have sacrificed family, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, finances, time etc to see change. It's that whole 'storing up treasure in heaven' thing.

I've learnt a whole heap about being genuine. We had a few 'situations' on mission where things just didn't sit right with me. In fact, in one of these situations, I got up, and ran out of the room! Now I was seriously so upset, I went and sat on the curb and cried, and I didn't understand what God was doing, but then I realised (with a little help from other wise individuals, you know who you are) that I really had discernment that night.

I hunger to know God as He is, not in the places so many people put Him. I know the way to do this is to read His word and, yep, pray.

But more about the program itself. I was the head-leader-doosy-whatsit person for the kinder-prep group (being the prep expert that I am! haha). Although they're only preps, amazing things happened. God really 'facilitated' a discussion and we were all running around so happy! God really worked in these kids lives.

I began to get discouraged on the last day as there were not any 'decisions' been made from the kids to follow Christ. Sometimes we can be so concerned that we get them 'over that line', that we forget that God is even working in their lives, preparing them to make the decision.

Anyway, here are some key memories from mission:

• The kinder-preps saying "It's ok, God loves you anyway".. became a bit of a catch-phrase
• That whole "poof" thing
• I said a Boom-chicka Boom!
• We don't burn down the school, we don't eat soap, we don't drink vinegar (eeewgh!)
• Doug, Dougless and Dougette (yay, I was Dougette!)
• McFlumpy
  
• "one" - haha, on ya Craig!
• The whole joke thing
• The censored word: M-ne
• Hey ain't that funky now
• Praise the Lord, I saw the light!
• I feel like Royal- Tea. Woah woah (Sammy's pathetic rip-off of Hillsong Kids song "royalty")
• Steff and Sammy's stupidity on friday night. (Think Sammy with a red cup on her head and Steff very much ROFLing. Gotta love tiredness)
• Late nights
• Early mornings!
• And above all, God and his power moving in everything.

And just for the record, check out what I wrote about mission back in September