ya berantakan!

I've tried and tried and I can't do it!!

Today is spring cleaning day (Although I am fully aware that it is indeed autumn).

The events of today include:
doing the dishes
drying the dishes
doing washing
sorting out washing
Cleaning the fish tank (hi Cara)
re arranging my room (yipee!)
Going through my clothes and getting rid of the ones I don't wear any more.

And when I mean I'm getting rid of them, that means that you, Beyond South Australia readers have a great chance to get some clothes - FOR FREE! Yes, that's right - FREE! If you see anything you like, just comment in this post or email or phone me within the next week, and it's yours! What's left is either going to the op shop or I'll sell on ebay.

These clothes include:

• Jay jays denim jacket - size 14
• Millers elastic waist kahki skirt - size 18
• Millers elastic waist purple skirt - size 18
• Jay Jays purple flowery V-neck tee - size XL
• "Go aussie" oldschool brown mens tee - size L? (got it for $2 at an op shop)
• Jay Jays B-Star tee with a collar, brown with blue stripes, punk writing on the back - size XL
• Long sleeve black target collar top - Size 16
• Planet Shakers 2005 brown tee with pink and white logo - size 16
• brown wollen jumper with roll-kneck collar (very warm). The only reason I am getting rid of this is because I accidently washed it with warm water and it shrunk. It has sentimental value (my gran gave it to me) - wanting to give it to a good home. - probably a size 10 now.
• Mint Lions 1972 tee - size 16
• Crossroads strawberry singlet - size XL
• Home made christian fish black tank top - size XL
• Black four and twenty top. It has yellow writing on the front saying "the great australian taste" and on the back saying "hungry?" It also has the four and twenty logo on the sleeves.
• White V neck "fashion targets breast cancer Australia" tee - size 14
• White collar top from K-mart, home made "go the fro" on the back.
• Jay Jays mens white board shorts with grey and pink skull and cross decorations. Very punk. - size "38"
• Pale pink jay jays long sleeved top with diamonds. Looks like theres a long sleeved top underneath. - size XL

Let me know!

selesai

Here is to the shortest three weeks of my life! It seems just yesterday I was the innocent little student teacher stepping into a classroom full of grade ratty 3/4's.

Today my teaching prac finished.

There are a lot of mixed emotions going on in my mind. Part of me just wants to break down and cry. In fact I'm surprised that I haven't yet. I spent the whole drive home feeling really down. My body is telling me I need some much needed rest - with 2 hours of sleeping this afternoon. I'm a little confused as to why I feel a little emotionless and down.

This morning the kids made me a card (pictured). They weren't exactly subtle about it: "Miss Smedley, what's your favorite colour?... Miss Smedley, how do you spell your name?" Then I had to walk around the class room pretending I didn't know what was going on. Two more students made me a card each in their spare time. Funnily enough they are the two I talked about in my last post. Another made me a picture of a banana flavoured drink. (random!)

At the end of the day, one girl hugged me begging me not to go. The boys all gave me a high 5.

I still haven't found my name badge. I simply don't know where it has gone. Apparently I was telling Claire that I was putting it somewhere safe. The kids haven't known how to spell my name, or even my name full stop. I put it up on the board yesterday, and they had thought I was 'Miss Medley' (I guess the 's' kind of 'blends').

I have learnt a lot on this prac. I have learnt how to yell. I have learnt how to teach PE. I have gained a whole heap more confidence.

"Sometimes home is a refuge from school.
Sometimes school is a refuge from home.
Sometimes there is no refuge."

This prac has been one of the most heart breaking for me. I have not cried like I did on tuesday night for a very long time. It was about one of the girls in the previous post. I hurted so much for her. And although I felt so alone, I think that in a way I was crying God's tears too, as these things do break His heart. Perhaps I took it on board too much, but honestly, it did break my heart. But the thing is, she's not the only one with this problem. It affects so many kids out there.

When I went to Indonesia in 2002, I saw a poverty stricken community that I wanted to help. Sometimes you have to experience these things to realise the need there. Like Indonesia, this experience has unleashed something in me: I want to help these kids.

There is the small possibility I may be able to go back out to the school. I gave the teacher my email.

In other news, I'm thinking of doing ESL (English as a second language) teaching instead of IT next year. Tell me what you think.

pemisahan

Nine years ago I was in year 4. The year was 1996. When the bell rang one day for everybody to go home, the teacher asked me to stay behind. Now this puzzled me as I had done nothing wrong.

She sat me on her knee, and told me that she knew what I was going through, and that if I ever needed someone to talk to, to just talk to her. At the time I was really puzzled, because I wasn't 100% sure what was really going on.

But soon I would find out what it would be. Divorce. It affects so many kids today. So many are caught in the middle, and many parents don't know how to deal with it. Often parents do not see the actual affects it will have on a child. I think that my anxiety could be as a result of some childhood traumas caused as a result of divorce.

Now in this day and age, that wouldn't be able to do that. But I left that classroom grinning, knowing that she cared. And the day she left the school, I cried myself to sleep. That's all kids often need: is someone to care.

Today, I was faced with a similar situation, except now it is nine years on, and I am at the 'other end'. I am a teacher. Things are different from back then, and my relationship with students needs to be maintained at an upmostly professional level, especially seeing as I am only a student teacher, and at the end of the week, my practicum finishes.

Child 1: "Miss Smedley, I'm sad today."
Miss Smedley: "Oh, how come?" (Not expecting an all too serious answer)
Child 1: "Oh, because my Mum moved out last night..."
Miss Smedley: *something along the lines of "oh, that's not so good"*
Child 2: "Miss Smedley, Did Mr. *teacher* tell you?"
Miss Smedley: "... no..."
Child 2: "Yeah, I'm always sad and depressed, because my parents aren't together either..."
Miss Smedley: (without thinking) "Oh yeah, that happened to me at your age too..."

I kinda just walked away from that conversation, because realistically, what can I do? I don't know the policy on that kind of stuff, and by me saying what I said probably overstepped the line. Especially after that she went around saying, "hey guess what, Miss Smedley is just like me!"

And my teaching prac ends this week. I want to help but don't know how I can. The kid didn't even have lunch. I just hate seeing kids stuck in the middle of a split.

There needs to be help for kids, but also for parents. Parents need to be equipped to make sure their kids don't get stuck in the middle. I know my parents cared, but I don't think they knew how to really deal with it. They were both from families that were together, and hadn't experienced this before.

And all in all, God has his healing hands over his children. This is something I'm going to find wherever I go.