The song

This morning I was getting ready to go down into the 'city', innocently listening to Adelaide's Life FM. Then they told me something about air piano fingers of Vannessa Carlton, and then, I heard it, the song.

I practically flew accross my bedroom to change the station. I hate this song a lot. It's a great song, but the memories it brings back are rather painful.

I can remember it so clearly, this song playing on the radio. It was raining, and we left from under the car park, I was in the back seat of my mums car. I was 15. I looked behind back at the hospital I'd just visited, as my mum excellerated down the busy North terrace in Adelaide. Rain was falling on the window as I looked back, and saw the hospital dissapear from my sight, this music playing making the scene ever so much more memorable. I didn't know that this would be the last time I would see her.

The next week she took a turn for the worst. My mother rushed back to this hospital to be by her side, while I was staying at a friends house. I didn't know how to deal with such grief and the possibility of her passing away just didn't seem real. It still doesn't.

My mother rang to tell me it was just a matter of time now until she passed away. I just sat in my friends lounge room, feeling rather numb to the possibility. That song begins to play again, as it was a backing track for a commercial for Blue Heelers. It seemed that this add was on every ad break. Because of its repetition it stuck so clearly in my mind.

I went to bed on my friends floor that night, staring at the ceiling, but trying to pray, not sure what exactly to pray: do I ask God for a miracle? I remember pouring myself right into God that night just praying so hard that I could somehow get some sleep. I remember it so clearly, my friend was asleep, and in my mind I was praying "Thankyou God that You hold her life in Your hands.." and as I prayed that, I heard their house phone ring, and instantly I knew. It would be THE phone call. I didn't hesitate, and just got up. I heard my friends mum answer the phone and say, "oh no.." I got up, and smiled like a dog that was about to get a treat as she handed me the phone. My mum's words were like arrows that hit me right in the heart,

"Sammy, Grandma's just passed away..."

I cried, but it was one of the rare occasions I did. I didn't like to show emotion in front of anybody. That song began to be so loud in my eyes, adding to all of the emotion.

It has been nearly five years, and it still hurts like the day she passed away.

It still doesn't feel real. I miss you...