takberistiri

Lately there have been a few posts by a few of 'my kind'. (Aliens among you and Here's to singularity and not feeling like the meat tray.) Quite honestly, I have began to feel a little like an alien, like I don't fit in, that I'm 'different'.

Like Sus says, I don't doubt their happiness and I don't think they are doing the wrong thing. And like Spatch says, I'm not jelous.

I'm just single. And I have been for three months.

And I am perfectly content with that at this point of my life. I am seeing my relationship with God go to new depths and heights, and there are some parts of this that I really like. I have my days where I am over it, and then the days where I really am the most content girl in the world.

I didn't really understand this aspect whilst I was in a relationship. But there is a lot of pressure for christians who arent in relationships. I never imagined that I would go through the struggles I would. Friendships I thought would never change have. I struggle going to church where everybody is coupled up, and I feel as though I don't have a lot in common any more. I think that this is an issue of Socialising vs. Fellowship. The church (on the whole) has become a bit of a dating service. And this frustrates me! Because that's not what I'm there for!

But with that, it has opened up new doors of opportunity, and brought me very close to a lovely girl who goes by the name of Mez. We have quite a lot in common, and I have been blessed by her friendship (and her family have adopted me!), a friendship which has really grown in the short time we've really gotten to know her. The catch is, she lives in Ballarat.

My friend Cara (I think you can thank Trav for this one) once gave me an illustration. She said on the train line to Bendigo to Melbourne, Bendigo is just starting a relationship, Melbourne is marriage. Whilst everyone seems to be in Sunbury, I seem to have taken a detour and am lost in South Australia some where.

My values have really changed. I believe love is a choice, but it is also our choice on how we act on it, and what motivates us. I also believe that I need patience to wait on God, as he is the only one that can fufill the desires of my heart. I am wanting God to lead me, for Him to be the center of the choices, and for my heart to just run after Him and to keep my eyes fixed on Him. It's all very exciting about what the future has in store.

Motives are very important. I don't want to enter a relationship with a "what can I get" attitude. I want the motives to be very God-driven. What are my motives for entering a relationship?

In fact, I was contemplating the other day as I was driving home from school at 10:30 in the morning (stupid cold!), I was wondering what life would be like if I was single for the rest of my life? Would that be such a bad thing?

Trust. There is no 'long distance relationship' with God.

Although, I don't think that's quite me. Part of me wants to get married, have kids, and start generations of kids who are going to change the world. Just not yet!