kneebone flapping in the wind

Today, before I even had started work. I slipped on some water on my way into the crew room and stacked it! I fell onto my back, hitting my knee foroucisly on a bench.

For the rest of my shift I felt incredibly sore - my lower back in a lot of pain and my knee in quite sore. There's definately going to be a bruise there.

When it first happened it hurt so much I couldn't walk. I was so scared I'd really done some damage and wouldnt be able to go to Indonesia!

At the start of my shift I was in unbarable pain, but it got better as the shift went on. However, it still hurts!

I also felt like I was going to throw up, but I think that's what happens when you live on processed food, most being mcdonalds all week. I gotta look after myself better.

Collosians 3:

22Servants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not only when their eyes are on you as pleasers of men, but in simplicity of purpose, with all your heart, because of your reverence for the Lord and as a sincere expression of your devotion to Him.

23Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily from the soul, as something done for the Lord and not for men,

24Knowing with all certainty that it is from the Lord and not from men that you will receive the inheritance which is your real reward. The One Whom you are actually serving is the Lord Christ - the Messiah.

2 weeks and counting.

This time, in two weeks, I'll be flying somewhere between Jakarta and Makassar. That's a tad overwhelming thought.

This morning I got myself out of bed after the crazy, tiring, night that was, last night at McDonalds. Yawning, I made my way over to a school to help kids4life out with a breakfast program.

After that had finished, a few of us were in the staff room cleaning up. I was telling two of the girls there about how I was going to Indonesia. I heard a voice from behind say, "where abouts are you going?" Sitting behind me was a man with white hair.

I ended up sitting with this guy for a good half an hour talking about my trip. He even went and got an atlas. He said he travels to Indonesia nearly every year, and spends a lot of time in Makassar. This put to rest a few small fears of mine.

He told me about the setting of towns like Makassar: very poor, a lot of poverty around, some heart breaking stuff.

The thing I think that scares me the most about going to Indonesia, is coming home!

I remember in 2005 coming home feeling so unbelievably depressed about our higher living standard, and I know that I will be seeing things to a greater degree of poverty there.

I am coming home 4 days before christmas. This in itself freaks me out. My family really pride themselves in what they get each other at times. Presents become a real stress of christmas. But I don't want to come back to such commercialism! Ack!

I'm also really afraid of coming home and not caring about the things and people I used to care about before I left. I think I just need to motivate myself to get some accountability when I get home. There is no doubt that I will be even more passionate about changing the world than I used to be!

There's no doubt that this will change my life - it may break me too!

I can't believe I'm living the dream! Something that has been on my heart for 5 years - I am finally living it! I am going to Indonesia!

It's a lot of things. It's exciting, scary, overwhelming, and just plain "AAGH!"

And I'm sure it's just the beginning :)

washed clean and forgiven!

Tonight I was called into work at McDonalds. Close. I hate close. With a passion! Luckily I found myself out by 10:45 which really was a record for me.

I was innocently in the wash up room washing the spinners that go in the shake and sundae machines, when I turn, to see one of the guys I work with, come in, and chuck two containers of water on me!

Now at first, I thought he was just being stupid, but at the same time I was thinking.. why would you do that!!? I began to laugh when his face just dropped and did a lot of "oh my God"ing, and apologising fifty million times, asking the manager if we had any spare shirts. But all I did was laugh and laugh and laugh in hysterics. I wasn't mad at all! Basically, usually he by default would chuck this water aimlessly into the washup room, but didn't know I was there. It's nobodies fault, we all end up going auto-pilot by this time of night.

I was saturated and he followed me around the restraunt a bit apologising, and I was not angry at all. I kept telling him that it really was fine, and that I was just amused by it. (In fact, I'm still laughing about it). He was really amazed at how un-angry and gracious I was about the whole ordeal.

Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
(Luke 6:37)

It made me think about how we often will chuck the water, so to speak on God. And although He is probably angry when we do it, when we don't seem to be genuinely concerned, or to not realise we do it, but I wonder if He laughs when we come to him in repentance, over and over again.

Maybe it is like the saying "one day we'll laugh about it"...

shut up and pray!

And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment

(Phillippians 1:9)

Finally, brethren, pray for us, that the word of the Lord may run swiftly and be glorified, just as it is with you, and that we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men; for not all have faith.
(2 Thessalonians 3:1-2)

Some good points from John Bevere,

• Discernment is not SUSPICION. (Suspicion being fear motivated, and fear isn't of God).
• Discernment is CONCERN for others and their welfare. (it won't carry hidden agendas or critical spirits).
• Love is crucially important when discerning. Love cast's out all fear and gives an atmosphere where discernment (not suspician) can flow.
• Jesus confronted, but also loved. He confronted IN love.
• If you are discerning - pray rather than gossip! (And know the true difference between gossip and concern!)
• Check your motives (are you being ultra spiritual, or genuinely concerned?)

This was sure a wake up call for me. Really tested and challenged me! I have been guilty of trying to be ultra spiritual and suspicious on many occasions. I've been moved to use my discernment as a real thing to pray about (as it always should have been). ie, when an issue comes, just shutup (ie stop gossiping) and pray!

And yes, despite the man himself being in Melbourne, I didn't go to see him. This is merely adapted from his book, Victory in the Wilderness. (Pages 79-80)