ya berantakan!

I've tried and tried and I can't do it!!

Today is spring cleaning day (Although I am fully aware that it is indeed autumn).

The events of today include:
doing the dishes
drying the dishes
doing washing
sorting out washing
Cleaning the fish tank (hi Cara)
re arranging my room (yipee!)
Going through my clothes and getting rid of the ones I don't wear any more.

And when I mean I'm getting rid of them, that means that you, Beyond South Australia readers have a great chance to get some clothes - FOR FREE! Yes, that's right - FREE! If you see anything you like, just comment in this post or email or phone me within the next week, and it's yours! What's left is either going to the op shop or I'll sell on ebay.

These clothes include:

• Jay jays denim jacket - size 14
• Millers elastic waist kahki skirt - size 18
• Millers elastic waist purple skirt - size 18
• Jay Jays purple flowery V-neck tee - size XL
• "Go aussie" oldschool brown mens tee - size L? (got it for $2 at an op shop)
• Jay Jays B-Star tee with a collar, brown with blue stripes, punk writing on the back - size XL
• Long sleeve black target collar top - Size 16
• Planet Shakers 2005 brown tee with pink and white logo - size 16
• brown wollen jumper with roll-kneck collar (very warm). The only reason I am getting rid of this is because I accidently washed it with warm water and it shrunk. It has sentimental value (my gran gave it to me) - wanting to give it to a good home. - probably a size 10 now.
• Mint Lions 1972 tee - size 16
• Crossroads strawberry singlet - size XL
• Home made christian fish black tank top - size XL
• Black four and twenty top. It has yellow writing on the front saying "the great australian taste" and on the back saying "hungry?" It also has the four and twenty logo on the sleeves.
• White V neck "fashion targets breast cancer Australia" tee - size 14
• White collar top from K-mart, home made "go the fro" on the back.
• Jay Jays mens white board shorts with grey and pink skull and cross decorations. Very punk. - size "38"
• Pale pink jay jays long sleeved top with diamonds. Looks like theres a long sleeved top underneath. - size XL

Let me know!

selesai

Here is to the shortest three weeks of my life! It seems just yesterday I was the innocent little student teacher stepping into a classroom full of grade ratty 3/4's.

Today my teaching prac finished.

There are a lot of mixed emotions going on in my mind. Part of me just wants to break down and cry. In fact I'm surprised that I haven't yet. I spent the whole drive home feeling really down. My body is telling me I need some much needed rest - with 2 hours of sleeping this afternoon. I'm a little confused as to why I feel a little emotionless and down.

This morning the kids made me a card (pictured). They weren't exactly subtle about it: "Miss Smedley, what's your favorite colour?... Miss Smedley, how do you spell your name?" Then I had to walk around the class room pretending I didn't know what was going on. Two more students made me a card each in their spare time. Funnily enough they are the two I talked about in my last post. Another made me a picture of a banana flavoured drink. (random!)

At the end of the day, one girl hugged me begging me not to go. The boys all gave me a high 5.

I still haven't found my name badge. I simply don't know where it has gone. Apparently I was telling Claire that I was putting it somewhere safe. The kids haven't known how to spell my name, or even my name full stop. I put it up on the board yesterday, and they had thought I was 'Miss Medley' (I guess the 's' kind of 'blends').

I have learnt a lot on this prac. I have learnt how to yell. I have learnt how to teach PE. I have gained a whole heap more confidence.

"Sometimes home is a refuge from school.
Sometimes school is a refuge from home.
Sometimes there is no refuge."

This prac has been one of the most heart breaking for me. I have not cried like I did on tuesday night for a very long time. It was about one of the girls in the previous post. I hurted so much for her. And although I felt so alone, I think that in a way I was crying God's tears too, as these things do break His heart. Perhaps I took it on board too much, but honestly, it did break my heart. But the thing is, she's not the only one with this problem. It affects so many kids out there.

When I went to Indonesia in 2002, I saw a poverty stricken community that I wanted to help. Sometimes you have to experience these things to realise the need there. Like Indonesia, this experience has unleashed something in me: I want to help these kids.

There is the small possibility I may be able to go back out to the school. I gave the teacher my email.

In other news, I'm thinking of doing ESL (English as a second language) teaching instead of IT next year. Tell me what you think.

pemisahan

Nine years ago I was in year 4. The year was 1996. When the bell rang one day for everybody to go home, the teacher asked me to stay behind. Now this puzzled me as I had done nothing wrong.

She sat me on her knee, and told me that she knew what I was going through, and that if I ever needed someone to talk to, to just talk to her. At the time I was really puzzled, because I wasn't 100% sure what was really going on.

But soon I would find out what it would be. Divorce. It affects so many kids today. So many are caught in the middle, and many parents don't know how to deal with it. Often parents do not see the actual affects it will have on a child. I think that my anxiety could be as a result of some childhood traumas caused as a result of divorce.

Now in this day and age, that wouldn't be able to do that. But I left that classroom grinning, knowing that she cared. And the day she left the school, I cried myself to sleep. That's all kids often need: is someone to care.

Today, I was faced with a similar situation, except now it is nine years on, and I am at the 'other end'. I am a teacher. Things are different from back then, and my relationship with students needs to be maintained at an upmostly professional level, especially seeing as I am only a student teacher, and at the end of the week, my practicum finishes.

Child 1: "Miss Smedley, I'm sad today."
Miss Smedley: "Oh, how come?" (Not expecting an all too serious answer)
Child 1: "Oh, because my Mum moved out last night..."
Miss Smedley: *something along the lines of "oh, that's not so good"*
Child 2: "Miss Smedley, Did Mr. *teacher* tell you?"
Miss Smedley: "... no..."
Child 2: "Yeah, I'm always sad and depressed, because my parents aren't together either..."
Miss Smedley: (without thinking) "Oh yeah, that happened to me at your age too..."

I kinda just walked away from that conversation, because realistically, what can I do? I don't know the policy on that kind of stuff, and by me saying what I said probably overstepped the line. Especially after that she went around saying, "hey guess what, Miss Smedley is just like me!"

And my teaching prac ends this week. I want to help but don't know how I can. The kid didn't even have lunch. I just hate seeing kids stuck in the middle of a split.

There needs to be help for kids, but also for parents. Parents need to be equipped to make sure their kids don't get stuck in the middle. I know my parents cared, but I don't think they knew how to really deal with it. They were both from families that were together, and hadn't experienced this before.

And all in all, God has his healing hands over his children. This is something I'm going to find wherever I go.

celupan

I was cleaning the house today, and while cleaning. I unfortunately did not find my La Trobe student teacher badge. I did, however find some hair dye. 3 lots, which would be enough to dye my hair (as my hair is long and thick).

The catch is, they were not all the same colour:

My mum is coming to visit today, so I thought I'd give her a bit of a shock. And I also thought it would be fun to do an experiment.

Here are the three colours out of the packet:
And here are the three colours mixed together:

Here's a 'before' shot:

...and here's an 'after' shot:

What do you think? I think I could have done better. I'm glad I can hide under my new hat. Maybe I'll go another colour soon. Something outrageous, like black or purple.

Last time I dyed my hair was back in December with Steff. We used an 8 wash dye, and it still hadn't come out! Next time Steff and I are going raven red! (Aren't we Steff? Aren't we!)

takberistiri

Lately there have been a few posts by a few of 'my kind'. (Aliens among you and Here's to singularity and not feeling like the meat tray.) Quite honestly, I have began to feel a little like an alien, like I don't fit in, that I'm 'different'.

Like Sus says, I don't doubt their happiness and I don't think they are doing the wrong thing. And like Spatch says, I'm not jelous.

I'm just single. And I have been for three months.

And I am perfectly content with that at this point of my life. I am seeing my relationship with God go to new depths and heights, and there are some parts of this that I really like. I have my days where I am over it, and then the days where I really am the most content girl in the world.

I didn't really understand this aspect whilst I was in a relationship. But there is a lot of pressure for christians who arent in relationships. I never imagined that I would go through the struggles I would. Friendships I thought would never change have. I struggle going to church where everybody is coupled up, and I feel as though I don't have a lot in common any more. I think that this is an issue of Socialising vs. Fellowship. The church (on the whole) has become a bit of a dating service. And this frustrates me! Because that's not what I'm there for!

But with that, it has opened up new doors of opportunity, and brought me very close to a lovely girl who goes by the name of Mez. We have quite a lot in common, and I have been blessed by her friendship (and her family have adopted me!), a friendship which has really grown in the short time we've really gotten to know her. The catch is, she lives in Ballarat.

My friend Cara (I think you can thank Trav for this one) once gave me an illustration. She said on the train line to Bendigo to Melbourne, Bendigo is just starting a relationship, Melbourne is marriage. Whilst everyone seems to be in Sunbury, I seem to have taken a detour and am lost in South Australia some where.

My values have really changed. I believe love is a choice, but it is also our choice on how we act on it, and what motivates us. I also believe that I need patience to wait on God, as he is the only one that can fufill the desires of my heart. I am wanting God to lead me, for Him to be the center of the choices, and for my heart to just run after Him and to keep my eyes fixed on Him. It's all very exciting about what the future has in store.

Motives are very important. I don't want to enter a relationship with a "what can I get" attitude. I want the motives to be very God-driven. What are my motives for entering a relationship?

In fact, I was contemplating the other day as I was driving home from school at 10:30 in the morning (stupid cold!), I was wondering what life would be like if I was single for the rest of my life? Would that be such a bad thing?

Trust. There is no 'long distance relationship' with God.

Although, I don't think that's quite me. Part of me wants to get married, have kids, and start generations of kids who are going to change the world. Just not yet!

lahir lagi

I was sitting with some girls today while they did some catch up work, and this is what one of them said:

"I'm so angry. Everyone in my family was born in Geelong except me, I was born in Bendigo. Hmmmph. Next time I'm born, I'm going to be born in Japan!"
One of the girls corrected her: "You can't be born again.."
Another one added: "Yes you can! You can be born again.."

What an interesting discussion that could have turned into if it progressed any further...

melampirkan

Next week will be the end of my teaching prac. That gives me a week to really shine.

I have enjoyed my time here so much so far, that I am worried that I'll be an emo mess next friday night. I always love getting to know the kids, and hate leaving.

I am really passionate about this area, and am thinking of some how offering my help if they ever need a spare hand. Get involved with the school community (looks good on a CV). I'd love to start a SUPA club out there, or even kids4life!

Attatchment sucks. I'll blog more about that later.

musik

Want something to listen to?

If you scroll right down to the bottom of my blog, you can listen to some music. So relax, take it easy, and read my blog to some tunes. I'll contiuously add and modify it.

Don't judge my taste by whats on there, my taste in music is pretty varied (and bilingual).

I wonder if I'll start a trend, and if other people will get these on their blogs?

No more Miss-Smedley-nice-guy (or gal)

I have been giving a lot of thought into what it is I'm actually called to do. I'm a bit bummed that every thursday I am spending on this prac I am not there, which is the day Indonesian is. But I think I get that God has sent me to this school not for Indonesian this time around.

Today was good enough. Feeling a lot better, however my ears have actually been hurting, and my muscles hurt like I've been hit by a truck. I don't know what I've done to myself. I'm really tired too. Blah.

I took a PE lesson today. I don't feel really all that comfortable when it comes to PE. Because it was a repeat lesson, it went a lot better, but at the same time, I'm a little dissapointed in myself. I'd expect myself to be much better at all this by 3rd year.

My supervising teacher hit the problem on the head. His exact words was like something that just totally suddenly made sense. He told me that I was being too much of a nice teacher, he even said I was overly nice. Now whilst this sounds like a wonderful compliment, it's a problem. I need to be firmer, I need to be more authoritative, and a bit harsher, and actually enforce some strategies. I need to just take control of the class. I can do this.

I went to Big W tonight. The intention was going to the market place for shoes. My current shoes are either Dunlop Volleys or my black shoes, which are absolutely no good for winter, or for teaching sport in. In fact, on tuesday when we had the big rain, I was wearing my black shoes, and they're so worn, water was getting in through the soles!

I hate being female. Like totally. For the reason that there is such a big pressure to look in fashion. That I go into shops and feel under a lot of pressure, because the clothes at home look nothing like the ones on the shelf. I don't want to bow to any materialism of this world! But it's a struggle - I want my own style! It's a struggle that is really evident in the church too. I went through a stage where I dreaded sundays, because I had nothing to wear to church.

I ended up getting some leggins to wear under my pants to keep me a bit warmer, considering most of the 'professional' pants are so cold! I got some long sleeved tops too to go under clothes for extra warmth. I saw they had gloves, and this inspired me. I need new gloves, but I only like the ones without the fingers. I also buy childrens ones because my hands are smaller. While on the voyage for looking for these gloves, I found this groovy little hat. It didn't have a price, and it had some stitching undone. Score - a damaged item! Got it cheap! It keeps my head warm. Hopefully it can help me save some money on the warming bills. Read on...

(my new hat!)

When I was at the info desk of Big W trying to ask for a discount on my new hat, I was stuck behind this man, and his three children returning a broken Playstation. He was getting rather angry as the woman at the info desk was trying to tell him to call the company, and that she couldn't help him because he didnt have the right reciept. But he just ended up getting really angry, waving his fists at her. She was pretty upset by the whole thing. While this whole ordeal unfolded, a few things were running through my mind.

The first was that when I went to a Scripture Union gathering once. We were talking about the concept of blessing people. We got onto just simply being in the post office, being polite to the person at the counter, thanking them for their time. I knew that when this man left I wanted to be the opporsite for this lady, and be polite, as she looked as though she was about to cry. In fact, when he left, she walked off and another lady served her. (See Romans 12:14)

Then second thing that went through my mind was this mans actions, and the role model he was being to his children. What concerned me is what he was like at home. In my mind I began to pray for this family, and for the kids.

I have come to the discovery that Bendigo is a lot lower socio-economic than I initially thought. The thought of this scared me today, moreso the fact that if I end up teaching in a really low school. But the thing is, I could, and possibly will, do a lot worse than a Bendigo school. Am I too scared to go into a battlefield?

My good friend Christop, whom I have never met, but I read his blog, deals with this kind of stuff a lot. The people he meets and the places he goes are real battlefields. In fact I'm sure a lot of us are in them. But how far are we willing to go to reach out to these people?

And just now, through all of this I have been thinking, that there is so much of Bendigo untouched. There is so much of this city that is hurting, and we have the answer. There are kids who only know Jesus as a swear word.

We were talking on sunday night how teenagers are lost, but it starts with childhood. School definately isn't what it was when I went there.

And then I thought about what we (that is, kids4life) are doing in Bendigo. Currently we have 8 (I think) SUPA clubs in Bendigo (one of which I help out at in Golden Square) out of quite a lot of schools. I see such a need for 'my area' (well for now) in Bendigo. There is not a supa club at my school. Kids4life doesn't really target the kids in my area, and plus it's too far out. But I see the potential for growth with them, but really that's not up to me. Upmostly that is up to God, but then it's up to the leadership.

Anyway, someone comment, I'd really love you to share your thoughts.

And rate my new hat out of five stars!

cuaca

I'm so home sick, I decided to pretend I was driving in Adelaide when I was driving home. Funny thing is, it didn't look like Bendigo with the amount of rain and green. Isn't it beautiful?

Sorry for the huge influx of blog posts that you probably don't find very interesting. I find blogging as a bit of a release.

Today I yelled. I yelled at a kid! He was constantly misbehaving so I actually raised my voice at him - I couldn't believe myself (please note: Sammy yelling at kids probably isnt as dramatic as you think). He was continuously stuffing around and wasn't paying attention, which was rather dissapointing. Must be the rain.

I need to quit comparing myself. I try to be as good as my supervising teacher, but I really think I'm trying too hard. I need to just be me. That doesn't mean I don't persevere, and try hard. I need to remind myself that he has been doing this for something like 8 years, I'm not even out yet. Of course he's going to be that little more perfected than me. I hate the expectations I have on myself like everythings a competition.

But alas, prac is still going good, but is challenging at the same time. Let's just say I'm not really a PE teacher.

I really don't like Harry Potter.

It was right what my friend told me about christianity being the only religion it's ok to hate.

I am dribbling.

I am tired

Someone, please send me a comment, or an email - doesn't anyone love me anymore??

I am having satay stir fry for tea - yum.

Anyway, my friend Kerri sent me these jokes, they cheered me up. Enjoy!

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________


TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten
years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________


TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."

MILLIE: I is...

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."

MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

_________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also
admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

______________________________________


TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

______________________________


TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog.

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

sangat miskin

This is what toilets look like in Indonesia. Speaking of toilets look at this!

Anyway, it is monday, and I was back at school, and very happy. Millions of voiced around me screaming "Miss Smedley! Miss Smedley! I need your help! MISS SMEDLEY!"

I didnt get to have lunch today, which really sucked. My cheap lunch from Not Quite Right was definately not quite right. It turned out to be out of date from March: I brought it last week! I wasn't up for making myself any sicker so I binned it. Too bad I didn't have breakfast (break the fast. It's a compound word. agh! I'm turning into a teacher!), and my recess consisted of a small bag of vege chips. Oh well, luckily I had a green tea bag in my bag. MMmm. Nice.

On that note, it sucks being broke. It equally sucks when you spend half an hour getting groceries you can't pay for because you dont have enough money in your account. It's ok. God provides. It was just frustrating, and a bit of a fright. One of those things I never thought would happen to me. But I think it taught me an important lesson of not to shop at coles. The whole time I was there I couldn't stop thinking about how expensive and how much variety it lacks.

In other news: Port Adelaide are on top of the ladder. That makes 5 people in the city of Bendigo very happy.

Today in the staff room they were saying about how gastro is going around. Please pray I don't get it!

The weekend: I spent it sleeping, coughing, cleaning, planning, churching, and chilling with Mez.

My fish is killing itself with stupidity, just like its late wife. The tank is looking in need of a clean. I'm going to get a pet snail, and call it Steff. Steff the snail. It's a good break from me being the snail, or a sea gull. grr.

Anyway, enough procrastinating, the world isn't going to change with me sitting here blogging (... or is it?)

peace out

kesaksian

I'm not the biggest fan of posting lyrics, am a bit cynical of music, especially some modern stuff, but this song has been on my mind a lot lately. The words are really powerful, beautiful and true, and give God a lot of glory for who He is, and isn't just hung up on "I will". The last verse just keeps playing over and over in my mind.

Paradise Community Church: Power in the blood
Isn't there something beautiful
when you call out that Name
Isn't there power amazing
when in unity we say,
"Jesus Your love upon
that hill means we are saved,"
Jesus there is power in Your Name.

Majesty, power and love,
Holiness, peace from above
With me in mind, Lord You took the blame,
Jesus there is power in Your Name.

There is power in the blood,
No more sin and shame,
They’re gone in Jesus' Name,
There is power in the blood,
And that power lives in me.

jururawat

Here's something I don't think you know about me: I went through high school wanting to be a nurse! You wouldn't think it, would you?

It has all been coming back to me since I've been watching reruns of All Saints on Prime. It used to be my favorite show, Libby Tanner was my idol, and Georgie Parker is an awesome actor.

Unfortunately, our local tv station (only station at the time apart from abc) was taken over from channel nine, and I didn't get to see any more of channel seven until I moved to Bendigo (which was quite a few years). We only got channel 10 half way through my year 12 (2004). Even still, I don't watch a lot of TV.

I dont think I would have made the best nurse, I hate hospitals. I become sick enough being around kids.

It was an interesting show today. There was a girl with a heart condition who died but they revived her. She came back and she was sitting there absolutely amazed, saying that she saw a bright light, and had met God. She claimed that God had told her everything was going to be all right, and that the rest of her life was going to be happy. She needed to be rushed to surgery to get better, but died on the way. Her husband couldn't understand. He thought she was going nuts, and especially now, since she said that God said the rest of her life would be happy. But clearly, sitting there in her bed with a big grin on her face, she was indeed happy she had just seen God.

The topic of God often comes up in this show, I don't know if it does any more, but I think that's because Terry (Parker) is a nun.

All Saints is still around, but I havent bothered to watch the episodes on it, because neither Bron (Tanner) or Terry is there any more. Maybe next tuesday night I'll tune in.

Take the AS Character Test

sekali lagi

Once again I am here.

I woke up several times in the night, but it wasnt too bad. I woke up feeling better each time, and would be really happy and go back to sleep.

I woke up and felt really good. I was so excited, and felt like it had been a miraculous healing. I was much better than I expected, and still am.

I went to school today. It was kind of exciting because it was footy day, and because my team is port power, it means I can have a lot of fun in a victorian school. Although I was a bit skeptical about wearing my port power gear, because of the dissapointing incident that happened there yesterday.

We walked around the oval, came in and I took a lesson, but my nose wouldnt stop running. It was awful and gross.

I asked my teacher if there was a pharmacy in town, and he told me that the nearest one would be back in Bendigo, and then pretty much just told me to go home. So here I am. 10:30am, I came home.

It's so depressing. I hate this. The most productive times are when I'm sick, because I hate feeling out of action. I want to go and do stuff, not be locked up in this sick body. But alas I wasn't really enjoying school today because I was spending every five seconds blowing my nose. I was concerned about passing on my sickness to the students and staff. So where I'm going to make these days up I'm missing I don't know. Perhaps in the holidays.

Anyway, I think I'm going to watch a DVD or sleep or something.

:(

tidak ada

Why does life seem so much more depressing when you're sick?

I really wanted to go to school today. I am having the best time, but I woke up and could barely talk. I feel like my throat is swallowing knives, and my nose is not stop.

It sucks - but I don't think I will be very effective today. I was supposed to umpire soccer.

I feel so depressed at the moment. I wish I was there. I dont even want planning days. I want to soak up every bit of prac that I can!

But common colds need common sense. I will take it easy today. Put a DVD on, and with my laptop just do some work.

Mergh. Give me sympathy! :P nah, just kidding!

hari ketiga

To draw it for you in a picture:

Yes, I am sick. I woke up this morning with a sore throat, by recess my nose was not going to turn off. This happens every practicum at some stage. This time I was lucky enough to get it in my first week, so hopefully this will be my only sickness for prac.

So it has left me feeling really tired and knocked around. But despite that, it was a good day. I taught my first lesson in front of the whole class for the prac. It went really well, I couldn't believe it. What happened between last prac and this one when I got so confident? The teacher gave me feedback, saying it all went well, and I sounded really confident. Last semester I had a lecturer telling me that I severely lacked confidence. It's God.

Today was open day. The teacher was saying that we were having some visiters in, and he said that "if one comes in..." and another child shouted out "act normal?" It was pretty funny.

hari dua

Yesterday... I got up at 6am, all ready for prac.. "Kachinnnga!"

Last night... a tired little Sammy, at roughly 10pm..

(that doesnt even look like the same person!)

Today was a good day. Have been getting to know the kids. They're not perfect, but they're a wonderful bunch with character! Steff, you will be pleased to know one of my kids were misbehaving by singing Grace Kelly today, although he didnt know the order of the lyrics, so it was a tad amusing, him standing on his chair with his terrible singing "why don't you like me!"

I sat in art with the kids a little while, which was a really great time to just sit and chat with the them. I ended up talking with my new Port Power friend, and he wanted to know all about my life in South Australia, and how many games I've been too and all that jazz. Then he asked if I had a boyfriend or if I was married... umm?

Its time to get into the real stuff: the planning. This is what teaching is all about. I've had it easy, but now it's time to get serious. (AHGH I just realised I need to do ENS too!) I have a lot to plan. Some PE lessons, Literacy, even a whole LOTE lesson without another LOTE teacher, as she is on leave. I got to work out what to teach them though, because VELS isn't very specific.

The girls in my class are pretty cool. Yesterday they complimented me on what I was wearing. When I was doing bus duty they all said "bye Miss Smedley!" When I was leaving the school, one of the parents came in and told me that their son had been talking about me, and that it was all good stuff. That was a real confidence booster.

I have a lot on my mind, but I'm really enjoying this round a lot. I'm very close to saying its my favorite so far, but I've only been here two days, so its too early to say.

"Sammys passionate about hurting children" ... that can be taken two ways :|

dalam dunia lain

I know I often talk about Victoria being like a different world, but really, it feels like it is for me, because home is so far away, and I don't get to go there much.

Last night, I was looking for a phone number in my phone, and I went past 'G' and there was the mobile number for my Grandpa. The stupid thing is this all doesn't feel real. I feel like I will go home and things will be just like they were when I left in 2005. Wrong. People change, the kids have grown up, the emo population has increased.

Last year my grandpa became very unwell. The doctors weren't exactly sure what was wrong with him. He became unwell one day and ended up in a hospital. Next I knew, my mum was calling me, to tell me he was in intensive care in Adelaide and had had a stroke. I rushed to Adelaide to see him, he made progress while I was there. But I can't handle Adelaide. I hate the place to tell you the truth. He had gotten a bit better when I arrived, but out of this I couldnt stand seeing him like he was. With tubes going all places. I was convinced he was going to get better. He didn't. On the 20th of November, 2006, he died. The day before my 20th birthday, the day I was mugged.

It hurt, and I know that he was old. I know his time was up. But I miss him so much.

My mum calls me to tell me all of what's happening as a result of him not being around anymore. But it just doesn't feel real. It feels like some bizarre story going on in another galaxy. I feel like if I called his number he'd pick up. I feel like if I went home he'd be there, with a new computer problem for me to fix. When I go to his grave, it just seems like Grandma's there, not Grandma and Grandpa. It just doesn't seem real, and it has been quite a while now.

When he died, there was this song freshly on the radio. Whenever I hear this song I often feel a little sad. It comes up and I realise I'm not over it.

It was on in the SU the other day. And I just wanted to run away, but Steff and I were waiting for someone. While the song was playing I just stared at this grain of salt on the table with my perfect vision, and I could feel the tears swelling up in my eyes. Steff asked me something and then I managed to compose myself and concentrate on what she was saying to me and get my mind off it.

I have days when I'm fine. I have days when I know that he'd be proud of me. I have days when I miss him like crazy, and it just doesnt seem real.

I live in another world. And it's bizarre.

tiga dan empat

"Good morning Miss Smedley..."

It was my first day of my 3A teaching round today. It has been fun so far. I am really needing the refresment from the theory of uni, and also because my last prac was really bad.

I was a bit puzzled as to why God had put me in this school, with me being so homesick I was extremely close to changing my round to Murrayville or Pinnaroo, but God had other plans. In a way this confused me, but then after the events of last night, and also the fact that from the moment I walked into the school, I felt this peace and joy, I knew this was right.

So far has been so good. To set the scene: I am with grade 3/4's with a male teacher who really likes PE, in a smaller school outside Bendigo, about a 20 minute drive from me.

Anyway, so I was just observing, going around the class and doing stuff, when I came across two boys I nearly had to seperate. Anyway, I noticed some of the boys were paying him out because of the colours of his pencil case, and a temporary tattoo on his arm caught my eye. He also had a teal band on with the words "power". I asked, "do you go for port power?" He said yes and the kids kinda laughed at him. Then I told him that I did too! I think I've won him over!

Later I was walking back from PE with my supervising teacher, and he asked me, "So are you a Bendigo girl?"
"Nah, I'm from South Australia!"
"Oh, that explains why you barrack for Port Adelaide! You're not like all Port Adelaide supporters are you?" (for those who don't know, Port Adelaide is a little feral)

So all in all, I've had a good day. I'm really excited. I want to put everything into this prac, and do really well!

gembira

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

excited
excited
excited

I dont know if this is bad to be this excited or not.

AHAHAHA. I just want to shout from the rooftops how great my God is.

God has been so evident in the events of today. The fact that I didn't have Mez there holding my hand, and I having the courage that God had put in me to go the places I went without hesitance - it was God. He is so real, and He lives in me!

And this excites me. I've had some really, like, wow things spoken over my life, specifically over the next few weeks of my life, and this just blows me away.

But with my excitement I just want to tell someone all of this! But will they think I'm crazy? So far it seems so.. This, in this blog, is just a snapshot.

Honesty.

I just want to write this down, capture this little bit of history of this feeling on my blog. I know the feeling will die down, and I know that the feeling will go to the other extreme, because that's what happens. Life is always a roller coaster, up and down.

But on that note I will share this with you:

Habakkuk 3:17-19
17 Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls—
18 Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
19 The LORD God ^[c] is my strength;
He will make my feet like deer’s feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills.

Blessed be the name of the Lord! Blessed be His glo-ho-horious name! :P

It's going to be an exciting prac!