Taking off the blind fold

Most of you would know (if not, where have you been?) that I have an anxiety problem. At the start of the year I was in a really bad state, where I sometimes felt like I couldnt leave the terrace, not even feeling free from the anxiety if I did stay there. I was a mess. I began to seek councilling, which indeed was useful, it taught me strategies and that the world is not so bad after all. In the end I was advised to go on an anti-depressant type drug, however for a number of reasons I chose not to take it. I needed to give God another chance with this one.

Anxiety (and I guess depression as well) can be like a blind fold. It covers your eyes so you loose a sense of perception. You no longer can think rationally because everything in your mind is consumed with absolutely horrible thoughts.

A few months ago, I decided that it would be a good idea to start going to church again. I decided to give my best friends' church of christ a go. This church isnt anything special. Well, it is in a way, but you know what I mean. It was a church that had a style more like my own. They sometimes sung hymns at their services, which bring back memories of my "first love" for God. After a year and a half of feeling distant, and cut off from God, I decided that enough was enough.

By getting into this church has been one of my better decisions. Just one week ago, I felt like I was brought back to God like never before. A number of things have been hitting my heart.

This 'closeness' I now feel to God again is really fantastic. I feel like I can pray again, and, you know what, a month ago I was contemplating getting the script for those pills from the doctor. I feel like I can talk to God about anything. I feel this incredible sense of healing in my life at the moment.

In fact it was today, at uni this hit me. I have the tendancy to daydream, and just think in classes. Today, I was sitting in Art, the topic was childrens development. Then in my thought pattern I thought to myself that something had been lifted, I hadnt really had anywhere near the amount of panic attacks I had one month ago. Then I just felt this incredible feeling of healing. There and then I felt so happy. I almost cried. I think I may have a little.

In saying this all, I in no way want to encourage people to not go on anti-depressants. There are cases where they are going to help people. Just keep in mind seek first the kingdom of God - 2 chronicles 18:32-34.

I guess Im just feeling a bit overwhelmed and awestruck about this. I think this is really wonderful. But the problem is, Satan loves to try and prove me wrong. Note try.

Just to finish, what the bible says about anxiety:

• Psalm 94:19 - When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
  
• Ecclesiastes 11:10 - So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless.
• 1 Peter 5:7 - Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.