the melBOURNE identity

It has been a massive weekend.

It all started friday, at 9am, with an Indonesian exam. After that, and chasing Nita around for our assignments she lost, Tegan took me home where I quickly packed for Ballarat/Melbourne. I walked to the train station (Panic attack #1), got there 45 minutes before the bus was going to leave, so I got a good old danish from Bakers Delight.

Upon leaving, came panic attack, probably #5. Mez was on the other end of the phone trying to calm me down.

A friend pointed it out to me that if I am so afraid doing this - how will I be in Indonesia? Good question. Indonesia is a huge, well, desire of mine. I want to go and be utterly out of my comfort zone. But if my comfort zone was not even going out of a km of my house - how was I going to cope?

The fear was irrational, and didn't make sense, and seemed to be random.

I got to Ballarat, and as soon as Mez picked me up I was fine. I felt safe being with Mez in her car, and felt like everything was going to be ok.

We went out for tea to the Ballarat version of La Porchetta, apon getting there I saw the librarian from my former high school - bizarre!

After talking many random photos we went to Mez's church's youth group, played this bizarre game called binsies. Never again! The pastor spoke about fasting. I guess fasting is something I have never really given much thought about, or understood completely. It was good to finally get some sense around it.

After that we went ventured through a very thick but utterly typical Ballarat fog to a special McDonalds which serves chocolate soft serve. (The photo is of one I got in the special glenelg McDonalds in Adelaide)

The next day Mez dropped me off at the station before work. I met up with Turtle to go to Melbourne on the train with her. The panic began again.

We got off the train, wandered around Melbourne, and went to a food court to the best BEST thing I have ever tasted - Torts. They're like a yiros (oh, sorry victorians... kebabs) but ever so fresh!!!

After this we went to an incredibly expensive bookstore with Indonesian books. I can get my dictionaries half that price at my uni! After this we hopped on a train out to Belgrave (being rediculously early for Burkie to pick us up) and sat in the Puffing Billy cafe (I think we're up to about panic atack #36 at least) and drank a POT OF GREEN TEA FOR $2! I could definately live in this part of Melbourne.

Burkie came and picked us up (yay Sam!) from Belgrave, and finally it felt like the panic had stopped, just like when I got in the car with Mez. We ran around to the supermarket, the cheese cake shop, and various other places, which was a lot of fun and very entertaining indeed.

Finally we arrived at Burkie's fionce's house. Her name is Beth and she is incredibly gorgeous! I hadn't met her before, and she is just awesome! I met lots of people, helped make artistic fruit platters, and generally had a great time. Once the party began, I met some people of the gush variety, both new and old, and a girl who is studying Indonesian by corrospondance in Melbourne.

I really enjoyed meeting Beth and seeing Burkie again. They are so perfect for each other. I look at them and just can't stop smiling!!!

Back to Belgrave and the panic starts again. Connex cancelled our train so we had to do a bit of the transferring at Ringwood thing.

Got into the city, went to the shops, met some lost farmers, saw DFO (look, but don't touch!), and got on my train back to Bendigo.

I struggled to keep awake on the train. I found myself dosing off, and I tried incredibly hard to stay awake. I soon found myself in a deep sleep, until a conductor woke me up asking for my ticket.

Got back into Bendigo after having to coach it from Castlemaine at a bit after 6. Caught the taxi home and was just in time for 'church'. Luckily 'church' is near me, so I can walk.

I sat at church feeling rather meh. Along with being tired, I was sick of this anxiety plaguing my life. I just.. sat there, the whole time. I didn't want to do anything, in fact the thought of just leaving crossed my mind a few times. Because 'church' only had 6 people there including myself, I didn't leave. I just.. sat there. This wasn't anybodies fault. It wasn't the structure or anything, it was just me and my attitude and feelings.

Basically in the last few months I have shut off. I used to open up everything and suddenly I was bottled up. I didn't know who to turn to. This became an incredible problem.

I stayed behind, and a friend knew that something was really, not right. I opened up, I finally did it. And she was quick to call a few people and we all prayed together. It was an incredibly liberating.

So I guess I've learnt a lesson. It's like Age Rowse says, take a risk and tell someone. What's the worst that could happen - right?

This song was sung at my grandpa's funeral (in 2003), and how true it is: (note, if something happens to me, I want this at my funeral too!)

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.