the melBOURNE identity

It has been a massive weekend.

It all started friday, at 9am, with an Indonesian exam. After that, and chasing Nita around for our assignments she lost, Tegan took me home where I quickly packed for Ballarat/Melbourne. I walked to the train station (Panic attack #1), got there 45 minutes before the bus was going to leave, so I got a good old danish from Bakers Delight.

Upon leaving, came panic attack, probably #5. Mez was on the other end of the phone trying to calm me down.

A friend pointed it out to me that if I am so afraid doing this - how will I be in Indonesia? Good question. Indonesia is a huge, well, desire of mine. I want to go and be utterly out of my comfort zone. But if my comfort zone was not even going out of a km of my house - how was I going to cope?

The fear was irrational, and didn't make sense, and seemed to be random.

I got to Ballarat, and as soon as Mez picked me up I was fine. I felt safe being with Mez in her car, and felt like everything was going to be ok.

We went out for tea to the Ballarat version of La Porchetta, apon getting there I saw the librarian from my former high school - bizarre!

After talking many random photos we went to Mez's church's youth group, played this bizarre game called binsies. Never again! The pastor spoke about fasting. I guess fasting is something I have never really given much thought about, or understood completely. It was good to finally get some sense around it.

After that we went ventured through a very thick but utterly typical Ballarat fog to a special McDonalds which serves chocolate soft serve. (The photo is of one I got in the special glenelg McDonalds in Adelaide)

The next day Mez dropped me off at the station before work. I met up with Turtle to go to Melbourne on the train with her. The panic began again.

We got off the train, wandered around Melbourne, and went to a food court to the best BEST thing I have ever tasted - Torts. They're like a yiros (oh, sorry victorians... kebabs) but ever so fresh!!!

After this we went to an incredibly expensive bookstore with Indonesian books. I can get my dictionaries half that price at my uni! After this we hopped on a train out to Belgrave (being rediculously early for Burkie to pick us up) and sat in the Puffing Billy cafe (I think we're up to about panic atack #36 at least) and drank a POT OF GREEN TEA FOR $2! I could definately live in this part of Melbourne.

Burkie came and picked us up (yay Sam!) from Belgrave, and finally it felt like the panic had stopped, just like when I got in the car with Mez. We ran around to the supermarket, the cheese cake shop, and various other places, which was a lot of fun and very entertaining indeed.

Finally we arrived at Burkie's fionce's house. Her name is Beth and she is incredibly gorgeous! I hadn't met her before, and she is just awesome! I met lots of people, helped make artistic fruit platters, and generally had a great time. Once the party began, I met some people of the gush variety, both new and old, and a girl who is studying Indonesian by corrospondance in Melbourne.

I really enjoyed meeting Beth and seeing Burkie again. They are so perfect for each other. I look at them and just can't stop smiling!!!

Back to Belgrave and the panic starts again. Connex cancelled our train so we had to do a bit of the transferring at Ringwood thing.

Got into the city, went to the shops, met some lost farmers, saw DFO (look, but don't touch!), and got on my train back to Bendigo.

I struggled to keep awake on the train. I found myself dosing off, and I tried incredibly hard to stay awake. I soon found myself in a deep sleep, until a conductor woke me up asking for my ticket.

Got back into Bendigo after having to coach it from Castlemaine at a bit after 6. Caught the taxi home and was just in time for 'church'. Luckily 'church' is near me, so I can walk.

I sat at church feeling rather meh. Along with being tired, I was sick of this anxiety plaguing my life. I just.. sat there, the whole time. I didn't want to do anything, in fact the thought of just leaving crossed my mind a few times. Because 'church' only had 6 people there including myself, I didn't leave. I just.. sat there. This wasn't anybodies fault. It wasn't the structure or anything, it was just me and my attitude and feelings.

Basically in the last few months I have shut off. I used to open up everything and suddenly I was bottled up. I didn't know who to turn to. This became an incredible problem.

I stayed behind, and a friend knew that something was really, not right. I opened up, I finally did it. And she was quick to call a few people and we all prayed together. It was an incredibly liberating.

So I guess I've learnt a lesson. It's like Age Rowse says, take a risk and tell someone. What's the worst that could happen - right?

This song was sung at my grandpa's funeral (in 2003), and how true it is: (note, if something happens to me, I want this at my funeral too!)

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

the king of baked potatoes

It all started on sunday night when I was innocently watching Rove Live, waiting for my mum to call me to pick her up from her night out. Rove was interviewing Myf Warhurst from triple j. As with all of the guests on Rove's show, he asks them questions to earn $20 in 20 minutes.

The clock is counting down, and there are about 5 seconds left, when Rove asks Myf, "Is Elvis still alive?"
She answered quite excitedly, "Yes! He lives in Bendigo!"
Rove cries, "wait! wait! stop the clock I want to hear this - What?"
The clock is stopped, and Myf explains that Elvis is indeed alive, and selling baked potatoes in the Mall in Bendigo.

At the time it was pretty funny, and in good Sammy tradition, it still was funny last night.

After telling this to my sister, and to Steff, which I'm sure both found it very amusing, I decided to play a little trick on my friend Trav. You see, Trav replaced his mobile a little while ago now, and with that I decided to play a bit of a "guess who" trick on him. It was fun for a while, but given the circumstances under which I was messaging him (and also I suspect, cheating), he soon worked out it was me (however his first guess was 'are you male?'). I guessed that he'd never think I'd be behind such a trick again. And so far, I think I'm right, as this secret will be revealed to him when he reads this post.

With my mothers phone I decided to send Trav a message: "Hey, you'll never guess what! Elvis is alive and well and selling baked potatoes in the Bendigo Mall".
A while later I got a message back from Trav informing me that he had indeed got a new phone and had lost his numbers so he didn't know who I was.
I was delighted to inform Trav that I was indeed Rove McMannus.

After this I went and packed for the long trip home, and got organised, while my mum went to work. After getting ready, I decided that I'd better see if Trav had anything to say, but I couldn't find the mobile anywhere..

I soon forgot about it, got in my car and went down to say goodbye to my mum. She said to me, "Some Trav guy messaged me, and he said 'Say Hi to your mum for me'" (that is a famous quote Rove says at the end of each of his shows).

back to the future

"The sun is always shining
the beaches like a diamond
you can see for miles
with tons of friendly smiles
the fish are always biting
drivings dynamiting
the footy is to die for
you'll get yourself an eyeful
so do yourself a favour
and come to South Australia!"

Would you believe I actually saw that ad on TV last night! I forgot that all South Australians were like me and payed out Victoria like me. haha. Must be a 'South Australian thing'

Today I am going back to Bendigo. I haven't slept, been really restless, as well as the fact that I had a good ol' Farmers Union Iced Coffee that wasn't so good.

I had a good catch up with my old youth pastor yesterday. She is so inspiring, I'd say she's a lot like me in her theology and beliefs of things. It was also good to talk to her about my anxiety, and actually get a bit more of a pin point onto what it actually probably is that is causing it.

I officially have things up on ebay - clothes and even a mobile phone! Let me know if you're interested ;)

Umm.. I thought I knew what I was going to type in this little white box. It was going to be deep. But I think I've forgotten.

I'm going to miss the quietness and lack of voltage of Pinnaroo. I'm going to miss the fact that I can just go out the back and talk to the animals like Dr. Harry. I'm going to miss having mum around. I'm going to miss feeling safe when I walk down the streets. I'm going to miss the lifestyle on the weekend (that is things like bonfires, heading out the scrub, things like that).

But that said, there are some things I miss about Bendigo. Life is progressing there, life goes on, I have people there I love and miss. Isn't it funny how one bizarre dream can make you miss someone like crazy? I'm going to get some new fish when I get home.

I guess part of me hasn't wanted to grow up, but I need to. I'm 20 and I don't know where the years have gone. And that scares me, because next I know I'll wake up and be 40, but where will I be in my life?

Anyway, time for a bath (don't get them in Bendigo grr), and then the long and winding road back to the 'Go to do some study and catch up on the recent life I have missed.

Those old Pinnaroo days

This week, I looked in the local weekly newspaper (about 5 pages) called The Border Times, to find that a youth group from Aldinga Bay Baptist Church (that's in Adelaide) were coming down to have a camp in Pinnaroo. I used to love church camps, there was that special feeling about them. Anyway, the ad in the paper stated "BBQ - all Youth Welcome".

Two people knew I were coming, all the others were very surprised to see ol' Sammy Smedley turn up! "What are you doing here!!?"

I need to get a t-shirt that states answers to 3 frequently asked questions I keep getting asked:
- I live in Bendigo now, no, NOT Ballarat.. OR Adelaide
- I'm doing Education, yes, this is my 3rd year
- No I won't be a teacher next year, my course goes for four years.
(and just for the record, it's Sammy, not Jess)

So we had a BBQ at the church. I sat with a few people from Aldinga, and we had fun paying out Victoria for their lack of Stobie Poles and Fritz. I haven't sat with so many people who pronounce words such as plant and answer correctly for a very long time.

I also met a girl from Millicent (near Mt Gambier). She was good to talk to.

After tea, we headed out to one of the ladies houses for a bonfire. Ah, I miss the Pinnaroo life so much, where we had bonfires and just talked. It's these kinds of things that you just can't do in the city (imagine a bonfire in my backyard!). I guess I'm just different in the sense that I like these kinds of things, rather than doing city-like things like going to the movies.

This was the second bonfire I've had since I came home. Dad fixed the seats on my car (yay!), and we had one in his back yard.

I went to church this morning - the one I still am officially a member at. I expected to be singing some good old hymns, and I was actually pretty excited about this (someone last night said I get excited easily). But because the youth took the service, it was pretty contemporary (moreso than my current church in Bendigo even!) for Pinnaroo.

I cried in this church service. It takes a lot for me to cry. The reason? I don't want to go back to Bendigo! I like Pinnaroo suddenly. But then in and out of my thinking, I began to think about Bendigo, just a few situations. I know where I'm called to be and I can't run from that. Dang.

(the picture above is of me and my dad at a mallee fowls nest in the scrub. My sister and our dog Basil is in the bottom corner)

berita pagi

(That's Indonesian for 'the morning news')

I have been reminiscing about my trip to Indonesia in 2002. I went to see my high school Indonesian teacher on Friday. I've been going through all the things in my 'Indonesia-box'. Oh how I miss it!

Recently I applied to go to Indonesia for an intensive language experience in Sulawesi, Indonesia. I have not wanted something like this for a very long time.

I got an email today. I frantically clicked an email that had the subject line "congratulations". Along with nine other people from Bendigo, I have been selected to go to Sulawesi in December. You wouldn't believe how incredibly happy I am.

Now I need to frantically fund raise.

(The photo is the plane I boarded for a flight from Yogyakarta to Denpasar in 2002)

how bout that weather eh.

So I was sitting outside the Pinnaroo Post Office on a seat waiting for my Mum to pick me up the other day. I had just been to the op shop and brought $8 worth of goodies (I swear the best clothes I own are from there) - this includes 4 items of clothing - BARGAIN! Bendigo's op shops are so expensive!

Anyway, I'm innocently sitting there, and this random stranger says to me, "what are you warming up there?" .. It was utterly random and so I said back at him, "Are you kidding! This weather is tropical!"

He goes into the post office, comes back out and asks me, "So where are you from then?" And I said, "Bendigo."

"Oh," he says. "You guys are in a water crisis!"

Then he asked me where I was staying, and I was like, I used to live here, and told him who my mum was.

Then he says, "ahh.. you've inherited her hair!"

What the.. it was totally random!

there's no place like home

It's funny, Bendigo's water really does have a lot of chemicals in it. I come out of the shower here in Pinnaroo not feeling as clean :P We have rainwater. Who knows what's in it.

When I'm in Bendigo, it's amazing when I see another SA car. In fact, usually it is the most exciting part of my day! (Welcome to the colourful world of Sammy!). It's funny when you're driving down the main street of Pinnaroo, and all the cars have SA number plates! Then I realise that this town also has many stobie poles - wake up toto, we're back in Kansas, well, South Australia.

I'm not missing Bendigo yet. I am really enjoying being home, in the middle of nowhere, away from Bendigo. I don't think I'm going to bother going to Adelaide.

I've been getting a few messages since I left home. I sometimes read them out. Last night I got one from Cara (and another from Mez) and Mum says to me, "You actually have quite a few friends in Bendigo." She's right. Believe it or not, I pretty much grew up with no friends in high school. I was an outcast. A christian, now that's no fun, is it? Beck used to call us two peas in a far out pod.

Talked to the lady who was my 'youth pastor' in Pinnaroo many years ago. She can really identify with a lot of the struggles I am going through at the moment, we are incredibly like-minded 'discerner's', I think that she has kind of brought me up with my mindset, and quite honestly, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I've decided to sell heaps of old junk around the house on eBay - fund raising for Indonesia. I'm also scanning a whole heap of old photos. There may be a 'church camp' here on the weekend. I should be studying. The cat doesn't like me. I'm going to do another hair dye experiment.

Life in South Australia

I smell like duck poo!

Just thought I'd share a few photos of my time here in Pinnaroo so far... This blog post has taken so long to post because my mums computer is so s..l....o.....w..... But at the same time I am scanning photos from long ago - stay tuned!

Roses grow in South Australia! According to my Mum, Pinnaroo is one of the best climates for them..

My duck (Hi Spatch! I took these for you!)

My bewtiful doggy Basil

There's moss growing in our driveway!

Here's a fact for you: In South Australia most people don't use gas, and in our house EVERYTHING is electric! So that sucks when you live in the most unreliable town for electricity. It's not as fast as gas either, it takes ages to heat up the oven, stove and hot water!

And I couldn't not have a photo of the very famous Stobie Pole

mushroom mushroom...

A mushroom is soft (character = soft.. compassionate).

Have you ever seen a mushroom that pushes up through cement?

I haven't, but I've heard it happens. I can't wait until I do.

Cement is hard like a brick, yet a mushroom can break through it, despite being soft.

It means that you don't have to be hard to be strong. Think about it.

the hidden curriculum of your life

Its cold, it's cold, it's COLD! ... But thanks, God for the rain!

To escape this cold weather, I am getting right outta the state. Monday, I am going home. And I'm kind of happy, because I hate Bendigo right now. Perhaps going to somewhere with 'a little less civilisation' will make me feel a whole heap better.

My fish is dead.

I'm waiting the day when I'll be normal, when I can quit being cynical, when I can shake off the feelings that seem to hit my mind. "Oh but Sammy, you're just being discerning!"

It has now been a week since I finished prac. When I first got off it, I thought I'd be a mess, but I'm surprised as to how well I've adapted back into uni life. It certainly has been better having less contact-hours, although, I've been up at 6 nearly every morning anyway to try and get assignments done (I'm a morning person).

Although I've done well getting back into it, today was exceptionally hard. I went back to kids4life much, and to tell you the truth, I struggled to get through the doors. This along with a heap of crankiness caused by stress and no sleep didn't help. The whole time all I could think was about my kids on prac, how you just knew that kids were hurting there. It breaks my heart, and I feel guilty about it.

I felt as though that God was drifting a bit of my attention towards the window, where outside were all the kids that werent at the program (as it is up to the parents as to whether they can participate or not), that He cares about them too! There's so much hurt and hunger that these children are feeling that don't get the chance to be impacted by our program.

But with that I felt that God was telling me that I have a remarkable position as a teacher - I can reach the unreachable. Just because I am not under an official mission or because I am in a public rather than private school, this does not mean I am not doing God's work. Now don't think my life goal now is to go into schools and corrupt students, let me introduce you to a term I have learnt about this semester: The Hidden Curriculum.

The hidden curriculum is basically the unplanned learning, the values that a teacher gives forth to ones students.

Although this is a teacher term, I've been thinking about it a lot lately in how this concept is applied in every day life. We have our curriculum - what we need to get done and achieve, people we need to see, things we need to do. But how we go about it is the important part. What values and 'unplanned learning' happens extended to what we already do? (I hope this makes sense)

These kids trapped in a struggle and
Don't know where they're heading, no
A head full of trouble is all they're getting
And nobody knows the suffering they go through
And you wouldn't believe 'em if they told you

- These kids, Joel Turner and the Modern Day Poets

... and don't tell me off for posting music that isn't J-Pod, because this is reality.

Kids are hurting in the exact same ways I have, if not worse, and I don't think I'm doing enough to reach them...

Feeling a little.. bilingual?

bi·lin·gual /baɪˈlɪŋgwəl or, Can., -ˈlɪŋgyuəl/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[bahy-ling-gwuhl or, Can., -ling-gyoo-uhl] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –adjective

1.	able to speak two languages with the facility of a native speaker.

2.	spoken, written, or containing similar information in two different languages: a bilingual dictionary; Public notices at the embassy are bilingual.

3.	of, involving, or using two languages: a bilingual community; bilingual schools.

–noun

4.	a bilingual person.

Bilingual education is something I am very much interested in.
As you know I study Indonesian as a second language at uni, and have been since 1999. I have found that being bilingual is very rewarding, it extends your knowledge in two languages, and can also give you a bigger cultural awareness.

This has inspired me to create a new blog. This blog is designed for people who are bilingual to practice their languages. If you're bilingual I invite you to comment in this post and I'll sign you up. I've already sent invites out to a few people!

Even if you're not bilingual, head on over and check it out - you may learn something!!

THE BILINGUAL BLOG

How many South Australians does it take to change a light globe?

On the weekend my bedroom light globe blew.

On monday we went for a walk to Strath Village to get new light bulbs. A phone call from my mum on the way back means that I discover she has already indeed bought light bulbs for me and they're under the sink. We now have a diverse abundance of light bulbs.

Anyway I am still sitting here in the darkness and mercy of lamps. I tried to get the dead globe out, but it seems that it is stuck in there like glue. After much trying to get it out, Claire has a go. After all my trying, and now Claires trying, the light is now dangling from the roof, with roughly 20cm of cords coming out of the roof.

So we've asked the boys around the corner to come and have a look. One of which is South Australian.

If you can make up a funny joke in response to the title of this blog, comment it here! You may win a prize!

The adventures of Steff, Sammy and Australia Post

This evening Steff and I decided to go on an adventure to the post office down on the corner. Well, it was actually a compulsary trip: my mum needing her jacket, and I needing to post it before 6, Steff coming along for this adventure.

We got the forms all signed, postage paid for, and the lady told us to go and put it in the post box outside (it being rather large), and to stuff it in.

So it is pouring down with rain (we've had 20mm since 9am), and I am outside trying to stuff a rather large parcel into a small hole. I thought I had success, and then, try to close the hatch, and it wont go down, and I can't get it back out! How embarrasing!

Went and got the lady, and told her it was stuck, and we left (after making a run for the car in the freezing cold rain!) when she was trying to fix it!

Just hope mum gets her jacket!

Sulawesi now??

On the 24th of April, I blogged about a possible job opportunity in Bandung, Indonesia. I am blogging today to tell you... I haven't heard back from the lady, and it has been over a month.

But that's ok, because a very exciting opportunity came up today.

A guy who used to be an Indonesian lecturer at uni (before I started, he now works with ressie services, and also happens to be a christian) turned up at our last Indonesian class for the semester today. He began to talk about a trip to Sulawesi, Indonesia the uni is running at the end of the year. After the bali bombings, and the various dramas following, trips to Indonesia were stopped by schools and universities. Until now, and I have the chance to be involved. The more he talked about it the more and more I wanted to go!

Some info

• 27 days from November 27 to December 23
• Spend time in the capital of Sulawesi: Kendari (pop about 200,000)
  
• Stay with lecturers or other families
• Attend Indonesian language and cultural classes
• Go on excursions and activities with Indonesian 'buddy'.
• Visit an Indonesian villiage 2 hours from the capital, called Lambuya.
• Stay with local villagers (sure.. 5 star accomodation!)
• Teach about Australian culture and english language at primary and secondary schools
• Helping villagers in rice fields (wahahahah! I love rice!)
• Identifying future community development possibilities
• Visiting a national park
• Go on a boat to a tropical island paradise
  
• snorkelling
• swimming
• a hotel!
• relaxing!

Agh! I so want to go. The experience would be rewarding, something I can put on my CV, an unforgettable experience!

There are barriers though, finances being one. But if God wants this, He will provide. Maybe I'll sell my car, or be a little more realistic and get a job.

Some people may get a little judgemental that I am not going with a christian organisation, as a 'missionary'. But I treat my whole life as a mission. The people I meet, the places I go. Even though 'officially' I am not on a 'mission', really, every day of my life, is a mission!

truk

Today I feel as though I have been hit by a truck.

Yesterday was a very productive day. I did the washing, sorted through my clothes, put things in my lesson plan folder, rearranged my room, and went to Mez's parents house for tea (Mez wasn't there).

None of this, however, was very academic, and I need to get a bit done before uni starts up again for me tomorrow.

Moving all of this furniture has really taken it out of me. At 10pm last night I was on my computer, and felt as though I needed to just go to bed. I was going, and then I only got as far as the floor, and curled up in front of the fan heater on the floor next to me. I woke up at 11:30 to find myself still there, and the whole right side mf my body was numb (I was sleeping on my side.)

I woke up at 10am, meaning I didn't go to church, and felt like a truck had hit me. How do you recover from this? When every muscle and bone in your body hurts? Does this mean I'm unfit or what?

In other news, my room is rather interesting now that it has been re arranged. I can't sit at my desk on the net anymore, I have to sit at my dressing table, or on my bed. Hopefully now I will get more work done. How cute do my 'pets' look?

In other OTHER news: look what I got at K-mart today with Linda:

Yes, George is back! And this time, bigger, and better. Let's see how long this one lasts ;)

ya berantakan!

I've tried and tried and I can't do it!!

Today is spring cleaning day (Although I am fully aware that it is indeed autumn).

The events of today include:
doing the dishes
drying the dishes
doing washing
sorting out washing
Cleaning the fish tank (hi Cara)
re arranging my room (yipee!)
Going through my clothes and getting rid of the ones I don't wear any more.

And when I mean I'm getting rid of them, that means that you, Beyond South Australia readers have a great chance to get some clothes - FOR FREE! Yes, that's right - FREE! If you see anything you like, just comment in this post or email or phone me within the next week, and it's yours! What's left is either going to the op shop or I'll sell on ebay.

These clothes include:

• Jay jays denim jacket - size 14
• Millers elastic waist kahki skirt - size 18
• Millers elastic waist purple skirt - size 18
• Jay Jays purple flowery V-neck tee - size XL
• "Go aussie" oldschool brown mens tee - size L? (got it for $2 at an op shop)
• Jay Jays B-Star tee with a collar, brown with blue stripes, punk writing on the back - size XL
• Long sleeve black target collar top - Size 16
• Planet Shakers 2005 brown tee with pink and white logo - size 16
• brown wollen jumper with roll-kneck collar (very warm). The only reason I am getting rid of this is because I accidently washed it with warm water and it shrunk. It has sentimental value (my gran gave it to me) - wanting to give it to a good home. - probably a size 10 now.
• Mint Lions 1972 tee - size 16
• Crossroads strawberry singlet - size XL
• Home made christian fish black tank top - size XL
• Black four and twenty top. It has yellow writing on the front saying "the great australian taste" and on the back saying "hungry?" It also has the four and twenty logo on the sleeves.
• White V neck "fashion targets breast cancer Australia" tee - size 14
• White collar top from K-mart, home made "go the fro" on the back.
• Jay Jays mens white board shorts with grey and pink skull and cross decorations. Very punk. - size "38"
• Pale pink jay jays long sleeved top with diamonds. Looks like theres a long sleeved top underneath. - size XL

Let me know!

selesai

Here is to the shortest three weeks of my life! It seems just yesterday I was the innocent little student teacher stepping into a classroom full of grade ratty 3/4's.

Today my teaching prac finished.

There are a lot of mixed emotions going on in my mind. Part of me just wants to break down and cry. In fact I'm surprised that I haven't yet. I spent the whole drive home feeling really down. My body is telling me I need some much needed rest - with 2 hours of sleeping this afternoon. I'm a little confused as to why I feel a little emotionless and down.

This morning the kids made me a card (pictured). They weren't exactly subtle about it: "Miss Smedley, what's your favorite colour?... Miss Smedley, how do you spell your name?" Then I had to walk around the class room pretending I didn't know what was going on. Two more students made me a card each in their spare time. Funnily enough they are the two I talked about in my last post. Another made me a picture of a banana flavoured drink. (random!)

At the end of the day, one girl hugged me begging me not to go. The boys all gave me a high 5.

I still haven't found my name badge. I simply don't know where it has gone. Apparently I was telling Claire that I was putting it somewhere safe. The kids haven't known how to spell my name, or even my name full stop. I put it up on the board yesterday, and they had thought I was 'Miss Medley' (I guess the 's' kind of 'blends').

I have learnt a lot on this prac. I have learnt how to yell. I have learnt how to teach PE. I have gained a whole heap more confidence.

"Sometimes home is a refuge from school.
Sometimes school is a refuge from home.
Sometimes there is no refuge."

This prac has been one of the most heart breaking for me. I have not cried like I did on tuesday night for a very long time. It was about one of the girls in the previous post. I hurted so much for her. And although I felt so alone, I think that in a way I was crying God's tears too, as these things do break His heart. Perhaps I took it on board too much, but honestly, it did break my heart. But the thing is, she's not the only one with this problem. It affects so many kids out there.

When I went to Indonesia in 2002, I saw a poverty stricken community that I wanted to help. Sometimes you have to experience these things to realise the need there. Like Indonesia, this experience has unleashed something in me: I want to help these kids.

There is the small possibility I may be able to go back out to the school. I gave the teacher my email.

In other news, I'm thinking of doing ESL (English as a second language) teaching instead of IT next year. Tell me what you think.

pemisahan

Nine years ago I was in year 4. The year was 1996. When the bell rang one day for everybody to go home, the teacher asked me to stay behind. Now this puzzled me as I had done nothing wrong.

She sat me on her knee, and told me that she knew what I was going through, and that if I ever needed someone to talk to, to just talk to her. At the time I was really puzzled, because I wasn't 100% sure what was really going on.

But soon I would find out what it would be. Divorce. It affects so many kids today. So many are caught in the middle, and many parents don't know how to deal with it. Often parents do not see the actual affects it will have on a child. I think that my anxiety could be as a result of some childhood traumas caused as a result of divorce.

Now in this day and age, that wouldn't be able to do that. But I left that classroom grinning, knowing that she cared. And the day she left the school, I cried myself to sleep. That's all kids often need: is someone to care.

Today, I was faced with a similar situation, except now it is nine years on, and I am at the 'other end'. I am a teacher. Things are different from back then, and my relationship with students needs to be maintained at an upmostly professional level, especially seeing as I am only a student teacher, and at the end of the week, my practicum finishes.

Child 1: "Miss Smedley, I'm sad today."
Miss Smedley: "Oh, how come?" (Not expecting an all too serious answer)
Child 1: "Oh, because my Mum moved out last night..."
Miss Smedley: *something along the lines of "oh, that's not so good"*
Child 2: "Miss Smedley, Did Mr. *teacher* tell you?"
Miss Smedley: "... no..."
Child 2: "Yeah, I'm always sad and depressed, because my parents aren't together either..."
Miss Smedley: (without thinking) "Oh yeah, that happened to me at your age too..."

I kinda just walked away from that conversation, because realistically, what can I do? I don't know the policy on that kind of stuff, and by me saying what I said probably overstepped the line. Especially after that she went around saying, "hey guess what, Miss Smedley is just like me!"

And my teaching prac ends this week. I want to help but don't know how I can. The kid didn't even have lunch. I just hate seeing kids stuck in the middle of a split.

There needs to be help for kids, but also for parents. Parents need to be equipped to make sure their kids don't get stuck in the middle. I know my parents cared, but I don't think they knew how to really deal with it. They were both from families that were together, and hadn't experienced this before.

And all in all, God has his healing hands over his children. This is something I'm going to find wherever I go.

celupan

I was cleaning the house today, and while cleaning. I unfortunately did not find my La Trobe student teacher badge. I did, however find some hair dye. 3 lots, which would be enough to dye my hair (as my hair is long and thick).

The catch is, they were not all the same colour:

My mum is coming to visit today, so I thought I'd give her a bit of a shock. And I also thought it would be fun to do an experiment.

Here are the three colours out of the packet:
And here are the three colours mixed together:

Here's a 'before' shot:

...and here's an 'after' shot:

What do you think? I think I could have done better. I'm glad I can hide under my new hat. Maybe I'll go another colour soon. Something outrageous, like black or purple.

Last time I dyed my hair was back in December with Steff. We used an 8 wash dye, and it still hadn't come out! Next time Steff and I are going raven red! (Aren't we Steff? Aren't we!)

takberistiri

Lately there have been a few posts by a few of 'my kind'. (Aliens among you and Here's to singularity and not feeling like the meat tray.) Quite honestly, I have began to feel a little like an alien, like I don't fit in, that I'm 'different'.

Like Sus says, I don't doubt their happiness and I don't think they are doing the wrong thing. And like Spatch says, I'm not jelous.

I'm just single. And I have been for three months.

And I am perfectly content with that at this point of my life. I am seeing my relationship with God go to new depths and heights, and there are some parts of this that I really like. I have my days where I am over it, and then the days where I really am the most content girl in the world.

I didn't really understand this aspect whilst I was in a relationship. But there is a lot of pressure for christians who arent in relationships. I never imagined that I would go through the struggles I would. Friendships I thought would never change have. I struggle going to church where everybody is coupled up, and I feel as though I don't have a lot in common any more. I think that this is an issue of Socialising vs. Fellowship. The church (on the whole) has become a bit of a dating service. And this frustrates me! Because that's not what I'm there for!

But with that, it has opened up new doors of opportunity, and brought me very close to a lovely girl who goes by the name of Mez. We have quite a lot in common, and I have been blessed by her friendship (and her family have adopted me!), a friendship which has really grown in the short time we've really gotten to know her. The catch is, she lives in Ballarat.

My friend Cara (I think you can thank Trav for this one) once gave me an illustration. She said on the train line to Bendigo to Melbourne, Bendigo is just starting a relationship, Melbourne is marriage. Whilst everyone seems to be in Sunbury, I seem to have taken a detour and am lost in South Australia some where.

My values have really changed. I believe love is a choice, but it is also our choice on how we act on it, and what motivates us. I also believe that I need patience to wait on God, as he is the only one that can fufill the desires of my heart. I am wanting God to lead me, for Him to be the center of the choices, and for my heart to just run after Him and to keep my eyes fixed on Him. It's all very exciting about what the future has in store.

Motives are very important. I don't want to enter a relationship with a "what can I get" attitude. I want the motives to be very God-driven. What are my motives for entering a relationship?

In fact, I was contemplating the other day as I was driving home from school at 10:30 in the morning (stupid cold!), I was wondering what life would be like if I was single for the rest of my life? Would that be such a bad thing?

Trust. There is no 'long distance relationship' with God.

Although, I don't think that's quite me. Part of me wants to get married, have kids, and start generations of kids who are going to change the world. Just not yet!

lahir lagi

I was sitting with some girls today while they did some catch up work, and this is what one of them said:

"I'm so angry. Everyone in my family was born in Geelong except me, I was born in Bendigo. Hmmmph. Next time I'm born, I'm going to be born in Japan!"
One of the girls corrected her: "You can't be born again.."
Another one added: "Yes you can! You can be born again.."

What an interesting discussion that could have turned into if it progressed any further...

melampirkan

Next week will be the end of my teaching prac. That gives me a week to really shine.

I have enjoyed my time here so much so far, that I am worried that I'll be an emo mess next friday night. I always love getting to know the kids, and hate leaving.

I am really passionate about this area, and am thinking of some how offering my help if they ever need a spare hand. Get involved with the school community (looks good on a CV). I'd love to start a SUPA club out there, or even kids4life!

Attatchment sucks. I'll blog more about that later.

musik

Want something to listen to?

If you scroll right down to the bottom of my blog, you can listen to some music. So relax, take it easy, and read my blog to some tunes. I'll contiuously add and modify it.

Don't judge my taste by whats on there, my taste in music is pretty varied (and bilingual).

I wonder if I'll start a trend, and if other people will get these on their blogs?

No more Miss-Smedley-nice-guy (or gal)

I have been giving a lot of thought into what it is I'm actually called to do. I'm a bit bummed that every thursday I am spending on this prac I am not there, which is the day Indonesian is. But I think I get that God has sent me to this school not for Indonesian this time around.

Today was good enough. Feeling a lot better, however my ears have actually been hurting, and my muscles hurt like I've been hit by a truck. I don't know what I've done to myself. I'm really tired too. Blah.

I took a PE lesson today. I don't feel really all that comfortable when it comes to PE. Because it was a repeat lesson, it went a lot better, but at the same time, I'm a little dissapointed in myself. I'd expect myself to be much better at all this by 3rd year.

My supervising teacher hit the problem on the head. His exact words was like something that just totally suddenly made sense. He told me that I was being too much of a nice teacher, he even said I was overly nice. Now whilst this sounds like a wonderful compliment, it's a problem. I need to be firmer, I need to be more authoritative, and a bit harsher, and actually enforce some strategies. I need to just take control of the class. I can do this.

I went to Big W tonight. The intention was going to the market place for shoes. My current shoes are either Dunlop Volleys or my black shoes, which are absolutely no good for winter, or for teaching sport in. In fact, on tuesday when we had the big rain, I was wearing my black shoes, and they're so worn, water was getting in through the soles!

I hate being female. Like totally. For the reason that there is such a big pressure to look in fashion. That I go into shops and feel under a lot of pressure, because the clothes at home look nothing like the ones on the shelf. I don't want to bow to any materialism of this world! But it's a struggle - I want my own style! It's a struggle that is really evident in the church too. I went through a stage where I dreaded sundays, because I had nothing to wear to church.

I ended up getting some leggins to wear under my pants to keep me a bit warmer, considering most of the 'professional' pants are so cold! I got some long sleeved tops too to go under clothes for extra warmth. I saw they had gloves, and this inspired me. I need new gloves, but I only like the ones without the fingers. I also buy childrens ones because my hands are smaller. While on the voyage for looking for these gloves, I found this groovy little hat. It didn't have a price, and it had some stitching undone. Score - a damaged item! Got it cheap! It keeps my head warm. Hopefully it can help me save some money on the warming bills. Read on...

(my new hat!)

When I was at the info desk of Big W trying to ask for a discount on my new hat, I was stuck behind this man, and his three children returning a broken Playstation. He was getting rather angry as the woman at the info desk was trying to tell him to call the company, and that she couldn't help him because he didnt have the right reciept. But he just ended up getting really angry, waving his fists at her. She was pretty upset by the whole thing. While this whole ordeal unfolded, a few things were running through my mind.

The first was that when I went to a Scripture Union gathering once. We were talking about the concept of blessing people. We got onto just simply being in the post office, being polite to the person at the counter, thanking them for their time. I knew that when this man left I wanted to be the opporsite for this lady, and be polite, as she looked as though she was about to cry. In fact, when he left, she walked off and another lady served her. (See Romans 12:14)

Then second thing that went through my mind was this mans actions, and the role model he was being to his children. What concerned me is what he was like at home. In my mind I began to pray for this family, and for the kids.

I have come to the discovery that Bendigo is a lot lower socio-economic than I initially thought. The thought of this scared me today, moreso the fact that if I end up teaching in a really low school. But the thing is, I could, and possibly will, do a lot worse than a Bendigo school. Am I too scared to go into a battlefield?

My good friend Christop, whom I have never met, but I read his blog, deals with this kind of stuff a lot. The people he meets and the places he goes are real battlefields. In fact I'm sure a lot of us are in them. But how far are we willing to go to reach out to these people?

And just now, through all of this I have been thinking, that there is so much of Bendigo untouched. There is so much of this city that is hurting, and we have the answer. There are kids who only know Jesus as a swear word.

We were talking on sunday night how teenagers are lost, but it starts with childhood. School definately isn't what it was when I went there.

And then I thought about what we (that is, kids4life) are doing in Bendigo. Currently we have 8 (I think) SUPA clubs in Bendigo (one of which I help out at in Golden Square) out of quite a lot of schools. I see such a need for 'my area' (well for now) in Bendigo. There is not a supa club at my school. Kids4life doesn't really target the kids in my area, and plus it's too far out. But I see the potential for growth with them, but really that's not up to me. Upmostly that is up to God, but then it's up to the leadership.

Anyway, someone comment, I'd really love you to share your thoughts.

And rate my new hat out of five stars!

cuaca

I'm so home sick, I decided to pretend I was driving in Adelaide when I was driving home. Funny thing is, it didn't look like Bendigo with the amount of rain and green. Isn't it beautiful?

Sorry for the huge influx of blog posts that you probably don't find very interesting. I find blogging as a bit of a release.

Today I yelled. I yelled at a kid! He was constantly misbehaving so I actually raised my voice at him - I couldn't believe myself (please note: Sammy yelling at kids probably isnt as dramatic as you think). He was continuously stuffing around and wasn't paying attention, which was rather dissapointing. Must be the rain.

I need to quit comparing myself. I try to be as good as my supervising teacher, but I really think I'm trying too hard. I need to just be me. That doesn't mean I don't persevere, and try hard. I need to remind myself that he has been doing this for something like 8 years, I'm not even out yet. Of course he's going to be that little more perfected than me. I hate the expectations I have on myself like everythings a competition.

But alas, prac is still going good, but is challenging at the same time. Let's just say I'm not really a PE teacher.

I really don't like Harry Potter.

It was right what my friend told me about christianity being the only religion it's ok to hate.

I am dribbling.

I am tired

Someone, please send me a comment, or an email - doesn't anyone love me anymore??

I am having satay stir fry for tea - yum.

Anyway, my friend Kerri sent me these jokes, they cheered me up. Enjoy!

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________


TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten
years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________


TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."

MILLIE: I is...

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."

MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

_________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also
admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

______________________________________


TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

______________________________


TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog.

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

sangat miskin

This is what toilets look like in Indonesia. Speaking of toilets look at this!

Anyway, it is monday, and I was back at school, and very happy. Millions of voiced around me screaming "Miss Smedley! Miss Smedley! I need your help! MISS SMEDLEY!"

I didnt get to have lunch today, which really sucked. My cheap lunch from Not Quite Right was definately not quite right. It turned out to be out of date from March: I brought it last week! I wasn't up for making myself any sicker so I binned it. Too bad I didn't have breakfast (break the fast. It's a compound word. agh! I'm turning into a teacher!), and my recess consisted of a small bag of vege chips. Oh well, luckily I had a green tea bag in my bag. MMmm. Nice.

On that note, it sucks being broke. It equally sucks when you spend half an hour getting groceries you can't pay for because you dont have enough money in your account. It's ok. God provides. It was just frustrating, and a bit of a fright. One of those things I never thought would happen to me. But I think it taught me an important lesson of not to shop at coles. The whole time I was there I couldn't stop thinking about how expensive and how much variety it lacks.

In other news: Port Adelaide are on top of the ladder. That makes 5 people in the city of Bendigo very happy.

Today in the staff room they were saying about how gastro is going around. Please pray I don't get it!

The weekend: I spent it sleeping, coughing, cleaning, planning, churching, and chilling with Mez.

My fish is killing itself with stupidity, just like its late wife. The tank is looking in need of a clean. I'm going to get a pet snail, and call it Steff. Steff the snail. It's a good break from me being the snail, or a sea gull. grr.

Anyway, enough procrastinating, the world isn't going to change with me sitting here blogging (... or is it?)

peace out